


Thorough Communication

by AkisMusicBox



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alcohol, Break Up, Don't copy to another site, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Two emotionally constipated wrecks help a third
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27152722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkisMusicBox/pseuds/AkisMusicBox
Summary: "What the..." I hear him mutter as we reach the top of the stairs, and nearly ask him what he means until I hear it too. Some sort of rustling was coming from behind the door.Baz reaches towards the door and throws it open in an instant. I can tell there's movement and even more rustling, fluttering, and clinking, but I can't see the source until Baz lowers his wand and steps to the side. "Bunce? What the bloody hell is going on?"
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce/Micah Cordero, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	Thorough Communication

**Author's Note:**

> My first Carry On fic, and writing in first person present tense? A madness has taken me, certainly.

Typically the trek up to my room -- _our_ room, I suppose I should say because truce and all -- didn't wind me anymore. I have to be fairly fit to keep up with whatever Baz and the Humdrum are gonna throw at my next. And to keep Agatha's attention.

Well, not anymore about Agatha.

And I guess not about Baz, either. Truce. Huh. I've never felt busier, but, I guess at least the number of my problems was reducing.

Regardless, I was getting winded on this climb up to our room because Baz had loaded my arms full of books to haul back from the library. I asked why Baz didn't just spell the books light enough for him to carry himself. "Do it yourself, then," he said with a twist of his lips. Then he started walking out of the library as if _I_ was his puppy and was going to follow him.

I mean, I did. We were going the same way. Back to our room.

 _Probably doesn't want to crease his pristine shirt. Or have it pull out of his perfectly pressed trousers, either_ I think as I stare at his back on the climb up the winding staircase.

"What the..." I hear him mutter as we reach the top of the stairs, and nearly ask him what he means until I hear it too. Some sort of rustling was coming from behind the door.

Baz whips his wand out. I want to summon the Sword of Mages so bad my hand's itching. But if I drop these books, I'll alert the intruder. I decided that once I figure out _where_ the intruder is, I can fling the books towards it as a distraction while I summon it. I'm getting pretty quick at it nowadays.

Baz reaches towards the door and throws it open in an instant. I can tell there's movement and even more rustling, fluttering, and clinking, but I can't see the source until Baz lowers his wand and steps to the side. "Bunce? What the bloody hell is going on?"

It was Penny, lying on the floor in the space between mine and Baz's beds. Her hair is a wild mess, splayed on the floor. Paper dolls and Bacardi Breezers were dancing around in the air above her in a strange rainbow dance, while on the ground next to her, empty bottles and scraps of notebook spin and whip around frantically. She's also magicked a straw into one of the twisty kinds that ended right where her lips were. She could _drink_ one of those technicolored bottles while laying down.

"Penny?" I ask and without thinking, toss the books to the side on my bed. Baz only flashes me a slightly perturbed look as some of the pages bend and covers splay. He flicks his wand with a quick, " **Spick and span** ," in that direction, and for a moment, I'm worried it'll disrupt Penny's strange vigil, but it doesn't. He'll get Penny for the mess (and the invasion of our room) later, I'm sure, but right now, he seems cautious. As if he's genuinely worried about her.

"I don't talk to sober people," Penny proclaims. She flicks her wrist and the dolls and bottles halt in midair. "Pick your poison."

I grab an electric blue bottle and the smallest smile shows around her straw. I tip it high and chug it. The carbonation scalds my throat on the way down and it was almost regrettable, but Baz looks horrified, and honestly, it's kind of funny.

Once it's empty, I gasp, "What's wrong, Pen?"

Penny just wrinkles her nose and looks at Baz. Baz exhales and grabs a bright red bottle. I've seen him drain a water bottle during a football match with the same grace and I can't help but watch his Adam's apple bobbing as he downs the wine cooler. "I can sufficiently be arrested if I were driving a car. Satisfied?"

Penny shakes her head. "Micah's gonna break up with me, I know it." With another flick of her wrist, the spinning resumes.

"No way," I sputter without a second thought. "He's a good bloke and you're the best, Pen. You'll be fine. You'll both graduate and he'll propose and try to whisk you away to America." The last bit stings, but it's the truth, no point hiding it right now. Plus I had to stifle a burp. These things weren't meant for drinking fast, that's obvious.

Penny rubs her eyes and shakes her head. "We keep missing each other's calls. I finally managed to reach him, but we were on a video call and he was... occupied." The bottles are spinning dangerously fast at that point and Baz snaps some of them out of the air before they collide.

He tosses another blue bottle at me and I nearly miss catching it because my temper's starting to flare. I'm starting to feel hot under the collar. "He's cheating on you?" I growl.

It's enough to get Penny to sit up on her elbows and give me a pleading look. "No, no, Simon! He was at a party! With like, friends and music and drinks."

Baz looks at me, a little worried too. "No need to go off, Snow. Penny's soaked enough in booze and sugar she'll char like a dry Christmas tree." I nod and pop open the bottle. I need to take the edge off, for sure.

Penny scoffs and lays back down on the floor. "No, I _won't._ " Her bottle is empty at that point, so she swaps it out with a highlighter yellow colored one. The empty joins the clattering chaos around her. "He answered, but he didn't seem happy. He was _annoyed_ and there was so much background noise I asked him to find somewhere quiet, and he got _mad!"_ She scowled. "Says 'why should I make time for you when you don't for me' and 'even when we're together, you never want to have fun'. That all I do is fuss over books or Simon." She gestured to the whirling above her. "I can throw a party, too. And the company's more bearable than the people he's with."

I'm drowning now, for sure. I've got no right anymore to talk about relationships anymore because clearly I missed something major with Agatha. I look over to Baz. He's gotta be better at this stuff than me, right? Goes on posh dates over the summer to find the right girl breed his little Pitch babies?

But he's buried himself in a bright green drink, avoiding my eye contact. None of this stuff was part of the truce at all, so I guess I should just be thankful he was tolerating it all. "Fights happen," I say, lamely. "You'll get over it."

Penny's lips loosen around the straw and she goes quiet for awhile. It always unnerves me when she does that. "I dunno. I just... I don't think this is the first time he's thought about ending it." Her hand reaches out to adjust her bottle, but she ends up knocking it over instead. And, in her attempt to keep it from falling, her hand flails and it sends her vortex flinging across the room.

" **Not so fast**!" Baz bellows and the projectiles freeze in midair. They're still moving, technically, but at such a slow pace I can pick an empty bottle out of thin air. We all start collecting the refuse, plucking it out of the air and setting it on the desk. Penny's stumbling as she does it and I feel myself getting a bit light-headed too. The edges of the word are getting a little fuzzy.

And then I remember I haven't eaten dinner. I was going to go after Baz and I finished up at the library. When Baz ends up knocking a stack of the paper dolls off the desk, I realize that he also probably skipped dinner. And that vampires get drunk just as easy as the rest of us.

I start to wonder if drinking blood has a similar effect on him as he's reaching under his bed. And then, something I _never_ would have ever come out of Baz's mouth did. "Do you love him, Bunce? Your boyfriend?"

Penny plops on my bed and scowls at Baz's hunched over figure. "Obviously I love him," she slurs. "What are you talking about? I've been with him for this long, of course, I do."

Baz seems resistant to the venom in her response. "And how do you feel about me, Bunce?" Baz asks. I shoot him a dirty look that he doesn't see. I don't know what he's playing at, but he doesn't know Penny's heart. For too long he's done his best to make me think he _doesn't_ have one at all, so I really didn't like his tone.

"Rival turned ally with a touch of catty comrade," she says. I'm not following what Baz's getting at with the question.

"And how often have you spoken with me, even before the 'catty camaraderie'?" He stands up with the cover of her notebook and chucks in the bin. Then, he takes another drink of the radioactive-colored bottle reluctantly. As if it was a punishment.

"Couple times a week to a couple times a day?" She cocks her head at him. "We're solving a _mystery,_ Bassiiillttoon. It requires thorough communication."

Bottle still to his mouth, Baz's eyebrows raise up dangerously high, as if he can't quite believe how thick Penny's being. He waits for a beat before he says, "And dating requires sporadic, pigeon-based correspondence in your mind."

Penny opens her mouth to retort, but nothing comes out. Then, she frowns. Then, her expression drops altogether. I sit next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulder. "Crowley, Simon. What am I gonna do? At this rate, I'm gonna marry Baz. Ugh, surrounding myself with Pitches for the rest of my life." She stuck her tongue out.

Baz gives her an incredulous look, then waves his bottle between me and her. "If this were a calculation of time, you two would have been hitched ages ago."

Penny and I both laugh shake our heads. "Her family's not a fan of me," I say. "End up knocking over their books and whatnot when I visit."

"Really, you'd be suitable, Baz," Penny says, still a bit silly. "You're tidy and have good magic in your bloodline. Makes up a lot for the other family stuff." She smiles. "But really that other stuff's not gonna matter so much when our investigation brings peace between the sides, right? Heir to the Mage solves the death of a headmistress of Watford and brings peace to the Heir of Pitch? Brilliant. Then, Baz convinces the old families to join forces with the Mage and we crush the Humdrum for good!" She smashes a fist into her palm. "Peace among the factions. And then, I jump ahead of the queue for eligible matches for Baz and we build the biggest personal magickal library the world has ever seen."

I giggle. "That sounds nice. Can I have a little nook in that library? Some sort of bean bag chair would be real cozy."

Penny chuckles and reaches an awkward hand up to ruffle my hair. "Of course. I'll put it right near a window that gets good sun. Nap like a giant ginger cat." I'm smiling like mad at that point.

Baz can't even hide his shock at this point. "How the hell did Bunce's love problems devolve into you two planning a strange, saccharine version of the future where Snow has basically designated himself a domestic animal?"

It's Penny's turn to look at Baz like he's an idiot. "Well, if solving your mother's death isn't enough to satisfy your family, I don't know what will. Is there some sort of formal application process to become a suitor of a Pitch? A series of interviews?"

"Gotta be some sort of matchmaker, right?" I say. "Someone who compares magicks and assets and makes you fill out massive questionnaires. Sets up summer holidays for the prospective couple." Penny's rolling laughing at this point.

"It's a truth universally known that you two are absolute pricks," he says, with just enough sulk that I'd normally drop it there.

But, I feel far from normal, so I say, "What kind of people are on your list of people suitable to date, Baz? Whose good enough for a Pitch?"

"I don't date, Snow," he spits out, exasperated. "When have you ever seen me dress up for a date?"

I shrug. "You're always dressed nice, why would you change?" I say. "And, well, summers, right? More fun when you don't have school I'd suspect. Meet up with your mates, go out as a group, all that stuff."

"Jump in a massive water fountain and spend all day in a coffee shop that inexplicably never makes us pay?" Baz snarks. "Is that how summers work for you?"

I shake my head. I feel the wind off the insult he hurled, but it didn't land, so I can't even pretend to be offended. "I don't get to see anyone magickal during the summers. I just go from foster home to foster home."

That shuts Baz up. I don't feel as triumphant as I should. He just drinks. Then, he says, "I don't date. So, Bunce, if you do find yourself single, you've got two people to join your pity party. Micah's loss." He finishes his drink.

"That's the most comforting thing you've ever said, Bazzy," Penny says, rubbing the heel of her hand over her eyes. She sniffs.

Baz flops on his bed. "Never call me 'Bazzy' again or you're getting booted off the marriage list." He exhales. "Do you think that's going to happen? Our little Scooby gang being a symbol of unity?"

"Why not?" I ask. "It's the right thing to do, no matter what side of things your on."

Baz just sighs. "You're thick." He rolls over, once again putting his back to me.

Penny's suspiciously quiet on the manner and that's when I her head's slumped against me and her eyes are closed. _I guess I'll just stay still until she's properly asleep and then tuck her in my bed. Baz isn't protesting, so she can stay here tonight._ The floor wouldn't be any less comfortable than my beds during the summer so it'll be okay for me tonight.

I lower my voice, but I'm sure he'll still hear me. "It'll help. We'll find the truth and it will matter, Baz."

"Go to sleep, you massive ginger cat." But I guess he's not denying it, so I'll take it. I'll take whatever I can get.


End file.
